Monthly Archives: August 2006

Personal Stories – My Day in Grainy Pictures

     Blackness.  Contentment.  A noise sounds.  The noise is loud and piercing.  It rips through my consciousness and shatters my sense of serenity.  Startled, I lay my hand over a black box with a green glowing face.  It is my alarm clock and it has gone off at 6:00.  Thus begins another typical day. 


This day is not so typical, in fact.  I chronicled this day with my handy PDA and its built in low quality digital camera.  This isn't something I do everyday, but it was a fun diversion from the norm.  When I awake, I normally head out to the gym.  My back was sore, so I decided to get some work done.  I started on a resistance motion and ended with my blog.

 It is black at 6:00a.m., like nighttime.  But by 6:30a.m., the Earth had rotated enough to reveal the sun.  Praise the sun.

  I never used to get up before dawn. 

At about 6:45a.m. I heard the baby cry out though the baby monitor.  This was my time to shine.

Little man is a very wriggy monkey boy and likes to make diaper changes difficult by flipping onto his belly.  My wife and I cloth diaper, and when I say "we" I mean she changes most of the diapers and does all of the laundry.  She is so great.

Now that little guy has a clean diaper and fresh clothes, its time to really wake up.  My wife had stacked a tower of blocks the night before.  Little man immediately runs to the pile of boxes and destroys them.  Notice how dark it still is.  This is about 7:00.

My wife starts to wake up now and I decide to take little guy for an early morning walk.  It is cold out for an August morning, so I dress us both in long sleeves.  We walk out to the park.  Little guy loves walks and was calm and relaxed the the entire 35 minutes. 

Now the sun is really starting to come out.  The Junior High up the block was getting packed with students.  Our town started a staggered bus schedule and certain grade levels begin 90 minutes earlier this year.  Sucks to be them!

I get ready for work and hand little guy back to my lovely wife.  She will nurse him to sleep again and take an early morning nap themselves.  They will wake up again around 10:00 a.m. or so.  My wife deserves the sleep, she takes care of little guy all night while I'm unconscious.  At 8:45, I'm off to work (man I'm so slow). 


I love having an office.  The scales of justice my give me away, yes I am a lawyer.  My work isn't really all that exciting; I could be filmed with time lapse photography.  It was someone's birthday today, and a coworker brought snacks to eat in celebration. Thankfully the snacks were good healthy fruit. I have little control over my obsession for snacks, especially free snacks. I ate a lot of fruit, but I am starving by about 11:45a.m. Somehow I survive until 12:05 before leaving for home to eat lunch.

When I drive up, I find my wife and baby waiting to say hello. 

Little guy is in no mood to play, but he is such a cutie even when he melts down. My sweetheart and I take turns holding him while we make some sandwhiches for lunch. We feed little man some Toasted Oats.

When little guy was born, I made lunch for my wifey-pooh.  She was so tired and really needed some healthy food to eat.  But now that she is back to here old sparkling self, we make lunches

together.  She washed the lettuce while I sliced the cheese.  I love being married to her.

This was little guy's third day eating the little Cheerios(R) like Os.  At first he would mash them into his fist and spread them on his face.  A few would land in his mouth.  Now he can pick up individual Os and put them into his mouth.  He is still working on chewing and swallowing.   

The lunch hour goes so quickly, and before we know it I'm heading back to the office.  Little guy is already slowing down and getting ready for his second nap of the day.  He will not actually wave, but that doesn't stop us from shaking his arm.  He used to smile real big when we did it, but now I think the novelty has worn off.  (for him, we still think it looks adorable).

Before I returned to work, I had to pick up a prescription for pain medicine.  My bad tooth will be extracted tomorrow, and my periodontist wants me drugged up before I head home. 

The afternoon was nice and slow as usual.  Whenever I have less than eight hours  of sleep, which is 19 days out of 20, I get a huge low around 2:00 to 3:00 p.m.  Too bad I can't bill for unconsciousness.  Today, however, there was a big surpise.  My wife was running a few errands nearby and brought little man by to say hello. 

Check out my boy's cool new shoes.  They are pricey for baby shoes, but my wife did her research, they are the best.  We specially ordered ones that look like real sneakers; they are actually difficult to put on Moccasins.  All of the women in my office go gaga for babies, and our little baby is especially endearing when he shows off his dimples and two teeth.  

The picture in the background was found in my Grandma's house after she died in 2004.  It was never taken out of the plastic.  It adds a lot of color to my otherwise drab office. 

I leave work at 5:15p.m.  I called ahead and wife and baby are once again waiting for me.  I love coming home. 

It is time for dinner.  We feverishly make dinner before little man's bedtime.  I am so hungry again that I can hardly stand it.  Once again, my wife is a super trooper and she bathes little guy in the kitchen sink while I grill brats on our fancy stove. 

Turkey Brats
Bathing in the Sink

I chose to protect our little guy's modesty, and edited the photo a little.  All the other photos are honest to goodness unedited yet very grainer low quality digital pictures. 

The turkey brats were so good we each had two.  I microwaved some broccoli to eat with it.  A guy in graduate school whose name I don't recall gave me the tip, 1 to 2 minutes on high in a covered dish and the broccoli comes out bright green and quite tasty.  I add some slices of butter to the top to add that special fat laden touch.  Nothing jazzes up vegetables like meat and fat.  (Sorry vegans and vegetarians). 

Eating is a chore.  Little guy is tired and "clingy" and my sweety and I take turns eating and holding him.  At 6:50, we are all in bed together.  I read little guy some stories as I always do.  A couple weeks ago, I started ending story time with "Goodnight Moon".  When I read "Goodnight noises everywhere", I make cricket, owl, coyote, frog, and fireplace noises.  Little guy gets a real kick out of this.  Then its lights out.  In the darkness I sing some songs, ending with Brahm's lullaby.  Meanwhile, my favorite mom is intermittenly nursing little guy.  He had a lot of extra energy, so I rocked him for another five minutes before leaving mom by herself.  I listen in on the baby monitor as I clean up the dishes.  I hate doing dishes, but I like helping out.  By 7:25, my beautiful wife comes downstairs.  Little man is asleep.

No rest for the wicked; I head back to the office.  There is an important brief due on Friday and I'll be out of comission tomorrow afternoon with an aching socket. 

Its not all bad.  I get to listen to some tunes and say hello to the night janitor.  Plus, around 9:30, I updated my blog.  Now its 10:00, time to sign-off and head home to bed.  I'll slip in next to little man.  He sleeps in our bed.  I'm not sure how much longer.  One of these days we will put him in the crib and let him cry it out.  Until then he'll roll over to me like a heat seaking missile.  A missle that moves like a worm that is.  Though crampt and hot, I'll fall asleep and start a new day tommorrow.  I'm not looking forward to having my tooth removed, but it will be nice to spend some more time with the loves of my life. 

Enter the blackness.

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Untimely Reviews – 2 Star Movies – “The Rundown”

    This continues the on-going saga of untimely reviews of 2 star movies, movies that lead critics to give us ambivalent ratings that offer little to no help when we are looking for something decent to watch but cannot stomach another coming of age story. 


    Some 2 star movies are very close to being 3 star movies, and "The Rundown" is one of them.  Knowing the background of the stars of "The Rundown" may lead to the conclusion that this movie could never exceed a mediocre rating: "The Rock" is an ex-professional wrestler, and Sean William Scott is an ex-eater of bodily production from the "American Pie" series of films.  It is important, however, to understand two things, "The Rock" is actually a good actor and Sean William Scott is a pretty funny guy.  The only problem with these guys is that they end up in some pretty crappy movies such as  "The Scorpion King" and "Bulletproof Monk".  "The Rundown" could have been their golden chance to be in a kick-ass awesome movie that breaks the mold.  Spoiler alert: It wasn't.  


    The movie is about a really bad-ass mob enforcer named Beck who has to find his boss's son, Sean William Scott, in the jungles of the Amazon rainforest.  Beck is played by "The Rock", and "The Rock"'s immense proportions and convincing sneer lend a lot of credence to Beck.  Christopher Walken owns the local gold mine and refuses to let Beck take Sean William Scott out of the jungle because Sean William Scott knows the location of an ancient golden statue in the shape of a cat.  Violence and humor ensue.


    This would be a great moment to put in a favorite movie review cliché, using the title of the film to berate it.  Witty examples could include: "The 'Rundown' ran down", "Run from 'The Rundown'", or "'The Rundown' runs down the careers of 'The Rock' and 'Sean William Scott' like a chipmunk under an SUV'".  But instead of raining down a pooh-pooh parade, I instead provide the following helpful suggestions that would improve this film, had the film not been completed three years ago.

·        Change to title to something other than "The Rundown".

·        Lose anything that seems like a mission the "A-team" would take.

·        Delete all scenes relating to a golden cat.  

·        Let Sean William Scott be funnier.  There is a slight difference between a funny guy who acts like a dick and is nevertheless funny and a funny guy who acts like a dick.

·        Give Beck a little more motivation to give up his anti-gun credo and turn into a killing machine.  

Let me explain my distaste of the gold cat subplot, the bad guys own a gold mine, a literal gold mine.  Like a leprachan, the owner of the mine is constantly worried about people stealing his gold.  This movie would have been so much simpler if the plot device was just about stealing gold.

Maybe the morale of this untimely review is that simpler is better.  Or maybe it is that bad titles further taint already mediocre movies.  The point is that this 2 star movie is a 3 star movie in a thick and irremovable disguise.  Look past the facade of a crappy movie and you can enjoy this film. 


"The Rock" clearly has a huge potential as an action movie star.  He could even be bigger than Arnold, who has a cameo in "The Rundown".  All "The Rock" needs is the right movie.  How about "Conan Returns: as The Rock" or "Terminator 4: Heavy Metal versus The Rock"?  It worked for Arnold.

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Untimely Reviews – 2 star movies: “AVP”

    Some 2 star movies are really 3 star movies, some are really 1 star movies, but most are really just 2 star movies.  I had occasion to watch a bevy of them recently, and this startling epiphany came to me.  The only problem with coming to this conclusion was having to watch a lot of 1 star and 2 star movies.  Thus begins a multipart essay on this topic, that likely no one really cares about anymore. 


    Allow me to provide a little background, or don't allow me and just skip this paragraph.  Our little baby was a one-parent at a time sort of kid; he had to be held at all times.  Then came the time of the long naps.  Little man's digestive system had matured to the point where he did not need to eat and poop every hour during the day.  Thank goodness because this meant that the could take 2 to 3 hour naps, perfectly coinciding with the time necessary to watch a movie.  Our DVR was chock full of potential cinematic wonders such as "Aliens versus Predator" and "The Core".  My wife did her thing, I watched 2 star movies.


"Aliens versus Predator"

    When a film comes out that fills a sci-fi craving for a certain franchise, it is big news.  "Aliens versus Predator" straddles two franchises, and is therefore huge news.  At least was when it came out in theatres.  Pity the opening night audiences unprepared for the shocking scenes of really bad scenes.  Consider yourself fortunate, for you have the benefit of this untimely review.


"Aliens versus Predator", a.k.a. "AVP" to those who don't consider this film worth the use of whole words, might as well be titled "Freddy versus Jason 2: Only with Aliens and Predators instead of Freddy and Jason".  I think it was a bad artistic decision to come up with a story for how these two foam rubber bodysuits meet up and dispense hurting on each other.  In the 80 minute wonder that is "Freddy versus Jason", the extended fight scene in the last fifteen minutes constituted 90% of the fun. 

Had the two chop happy villains fought from the

very beginning, laying waste to the

rest of the cast before we learn that we really never cared about them, everyone could have walked home happy in a mere thirty minutes.  Not only would that be an artistic deviation from the norm, it would be efficient.  "AVP" takes an entirely different route altogether, it forgoes the satisfying fight and relies on an hour and a half of clichés and lame inter-alien combat.


   The defining moment of "AVP" is a scene where a Predator cuts the tail off of an Alien to disarm it, but the Alien is still battle worthy and flicks its acid blood at the Predator.  It reminded me of when my friends and I would argue about which fictional characters would win in a fight, except of course, we were about eight years old. 


Me:                  "The Alien has a pointy tail and so he could just harpoon the Predator and win the fight."

Other Kid:        "Nunt'a', the Predator has a sword and would chop the Alein's tail off, like shkink"

Me:                  "No way dumbass, the Alien would flick his blood at the Predator, and the blood is acid, and it would melt the Predator because that is what acid does, it melts things, stoopid". 

Other Kid:        "That was kind of harsh, calling me dumbass and stoopid.."

Me:                  "I'm sorry. I got a little carried away.  When I'm talking about Alien versus Predator, I just lose myself to it".

Other Kid:        "I know how that is.  We should cherish these childish discussions because we won't be able to argue like this when we're grow'd up."

Me:                  "You got that right; imagine being in our thirties or forties and still arguing about stoopid movie characters, ha ha ha"

Other Kid"       "Yeah, that would be so lame ass, ha ha ha"

Me:                  "ha ha ha ha"

Other Kid"       "Ha ha ha ha"


    There is also a great example of why not-so-smart people should not write dialogue for smart characters.  A scientist in "AVP" proclaims that the because the Incan calendar is based on units of 10, major events will occur every 10 minutes.  I would expect as much from a scared teenager in a horror film, but a scientist in science fiction film should know that every minute is made of 60 seconds, making his base 10 theory wholly inapplicable and quite stoopid.  Nevertheless, in "AVP" he is proven right.  Too bad everything else about the movie is so wrong.


    Check back soon, or if some time has passed already and soon has come and gone, scroll through the other posts regarding 2 star movies in this ongoing saga.

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Untimely Reviews – “Proof”

My wife and I had a baby in January. Don't worry, we still have the baby and plan to keep him for the next seventeen and a half years or so. But a side affect of being a new parent is never leaving the house and never seeing movies in the theatre. Fortunately (or unfortunately) we have lots of movie channels that came "free" with our broadband connection. That is how we wound up watching "Proof" a year after its release and long after any knowledge of this movie had left our sleep deprived long term memory. This would prove to be our undoing.

"Proof" is the most boring movie I have ever seen. My wife wholeheartedly agrees, and she normally loves what she calls "all talk and no rock" movies. "Proof" is like sitting through a math lecture where the mathematician waxes elequently on a topic that has no relation to your problem set or the final exam so you start to zone out and your head falls closer and closer to your desk as your brain shuts down. "Proof" is like going to a party where you don't know anybody, end up listening to two guys talking about people, places, and things that have absolutely no relavance to you, and you eventually walk away without anyone noticing. "Proof" = 99 minutes wherein each minute is endless. "Proof" is endless. For all I know, I could still be watching it.

The gist of "Proof" is that a Gwyneth Paltrow is the daughter of a famous and crazy mathematician, Sir Anthony Hopkins. Gwyneth is a real melancholy mess because, as is explained in very boring flashbacks, she spent the last five years of her young life taking care of her crazy father.  The father is already dead, there is a funeral service, Gwyneth's horrid sister comes to town, and Jake Gyllenhaal is searching for the dead dad's notes for some great math discovery. Gwyneth has a cute smile, and Jake woos her.  This is the one shining truth of proof, even melancholy math whizzes can be attractive and loveable. A post coital Gwyneth gives Jake the key to her dad's desk. In the desk Jake finds a totally awesome mathematical proof.  It isn't the crazy dad's proof, its Gwyneth's. Hooray for Gwyneth!

Enter deus ex machina. This is the really sucky part of "Proof" but comprises the entire plot. Instead of giving Gwyneth kudos, Jake and the horrid sister adamantly believe that the proof was written by the crazy dad and not Gwyneth. Gwyneth can't offer proof that the proof is hers, and she goes into a super melancholy walking coma. Let me review the evidence against Gwyneth, her handwriting looks just like her fathers, she wrote the proof in her father's notebook, she locked the proof in her father's desk, and she told no one about the proof. The writers really covered their tracks here except they missed one key element, something interesting. The mystery is not so much resolved as much as the credits start rolling. 

On a legal note, the writers had the horrid sister sell the dead dad's house from under Gwyneth and kick her out on the street. Fictional math is one thing, but now they are treading on the territory of fictional law. For a little law review, occupants have thirty days to move after notice is given and the dead dad's house would have to go through probate. This is a minor point made more minor because I imagine most people would have fallen asleep by the time this event occurs. 

My brother says that "Proof" was originally a play and was probably adapted into a movie to win an Oscar. Indeed, "Proof" almost did win an Oscar for most boring movie. A good friend of mine confirmed that "Proof" was an off-broadway play and an incredibly good one at that. Perhaps I am too harsh. I have met living people who loved this movie and enjoyed the horrid sister, cut scenes, and ambiguous ending. Is their praise proof of a good movie? No it isn't. Q.E.D.

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Rants – Inflation Is Good

    Inflation is Good!  At least it can be for me.  Let me explain.

    Like most people I have debt.  That debt is worth money.  What if my debt could be magically reduced in size, i.e. worth less money?  If only there was some kind of powerful economic force that reduces the value of money.  Well there is, it is inflation!

    Here is how inflation works in an ideal world.  A fisherman gets caught in his own net and need to buy a knife to cut the net.  He sells his fish to a fish and chips restaurant for money and uses that money to buy a knife.  The knife maker coincidentally loves fish and orders tasty fish platters from the fish and chips restaurant.  Let's say for the first time around the fisherman sells his fish for $5, buys the knife for $5 and the knife maker buys his platter for $5.  Then the fisherman gets caught in his net again.  The wily knife maker sees an obvious need for his knives and raises his price to $6.  Now the fisherman has to raise the price of his fish to cover the increased cost of the knife.  To cover the cost of the rise in fish prices, the restaurant raises its prices.  Now the knife salesman again raises the price of his knives so he can afford to buy those tasty fish platters.  You can see where this is going; eventually the value of the money gets so low that all involved just start bartering instead. 

    The moral of the story is that prices rise because people are greedy.  The actual products and services remain the same, only the price changes.  The fish was the same, the knife was the same, and the fish platter was the same, but market forces drove down the value of the dollars used to buy them.  So people are greedy and stupid. 

     You can also see why people hate inflation.  In the short term, raising prices is a really sweet way to make some cash.  But everyone who has to pay higher prices lose.  No one wants to be a loser.  What goes around comes around and eventually the losers demand higher prices/wages for their goods/labor and the boon of higher prices ends.  During that short time though, most of us lose way more than we gain.  While wage earners are catching up, the price raisers need only raise prices again to cover the extra labor and material costs due to inflation.  Consequently, a nyone relying on annual raises just cannot keep up with dynamic changes in inflation.  When I say anyone, of course, I mean nearly everyone.  

    Enter my plan to become an inflation winner.  The plan has two parts, massive debt and zero purchases.  Remember the fish from the story was still worth a knife in the end, but the value of money kept decreasing requiring more of it to buy the fish or knife or whatever.   Well, as money loses its value, things made of money lose their value too.  Remember all that debt is made of money, so as money loses value debt loses value.  So, if inflation lowers the value of money by 50%, my debt would be worth 50% less too.  Now comes the tricky part, I want to eventually pay off that debt and I can't do it if I keep buying ever more expensive goods with my ever decreasing money.  So I have to wait out the inflation ride, get my inflation adjusted raise, pay off my debt, and then start living high off the hog on my debt free income.  I love it when a plan comes together.

    Of course creditors lose out.  Which reminds me, anyone with money in the bank is a creditor.  So all your hard earned savings go down the toilet when inflation is on the rise.  But I have way more debt that savngs and investments.  Let's just add that step to the above plan, no investments.  Remember, this rant is about how I benefit from inflation.  If I had a bunch of investments I would just profit off of that instead.  My advice to creditors during time of inflation, secure higher interest rates or buy gold or real estate or knives or something with real value.  For goodness sake don't invest in freeloaders like me.  Lets face it, we are a hurricane and a middle east war away from everything going to hell in a handbasket anyway; that paper money is mere kindling in a post-apocolyptic future. 

    My inflation to riches idea is apparently not new.  In fact, shortly after I bought my house on credit a couple of years ago I thought about the plusses of inflation.  It was only a few months ago that I wondered if anyone had the same notion and looked it up on the good old world wide web.  Not only have people thought of the plusses of inflation, others despise us for etertaining the idea.  Creditors basically hate debtors like me who wish for inflation so we can freeload off of creditors.  My retort is that is how credit works.  People with money to lend to us moneyless folks in the hope they can sit back and profit from us.  People who leverage get an even better deal, they borrow money at low interest to profit from high interest investments.  Inflation is just the risk a creditor takes.  Besides, we mere debtors don't have the power to turn the economy on its head, or do we?

    So, add a nickel to the price of lemonade at your lemonade stand.  Demand an extra buck an hour for all that productivity you put out.  Get greedy.  If we all pitch in, I know we can reduce my debt load and buy me that $4000 replacement tooth!

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Shunning list

I have chosen to shun the following:

  • Ford Motor Company: for various problems with my Ford Focus
  • Kohl's: they refused to take back a single really bad sounding kids CD because I might have already copied it.
  • Wal-mart: do I even need to explain?
  • Best Buy: I just hate shopping there.
  • Mail-in-Rebates: if some company really wanted to save you money and not rip you off, they would charge less money for their products
  • Spider-Man comic books: because of the Clone Saga

There is plenty of room on this list and, as you can see above, it doesn't take much to get on it.

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Personal Stories – Ford Focus Freezes

    The ignition on my Ford Focus froze this week. I had to have it towed and it cost me $250 to fix it. That is not much of a story, I know, but please keep reading; it will boost my stock in ophthalmological devices.

    Apparently, this ignition freezing up thing happens a lot. The Ford Focus is a popular car. Funny looking when it was introduced in the United States in 2000 and only marginally less funny looking now, but a huge seller regardless. It is cheap, it is fun to drive, and for six footers like myself, it is comfortable. It has won many a car award and has been considered a best buy by many a car magazine. It also has a marginally good safety rating, which is for an American car is excellent to outstanding. Plus, as a response to the post 9/11 economic downturn, Ford began its zero percent financing with the Focus. There are now millions of Ford Foci and all of them are prone to ignition lock.

    What happens is, if you are a Ford Focus owner, you do your normal thing with you Ford Focus, driving around and enjoying the tight turning radius, you park, buy some sandwiches for your wife and visiting family, get back in your car, put your key back into the ignition, and BLAMO, the damn thing will not turn. No matter how hard you push, it won't turn. It is super hot out and you can't get your key into the accessory position to open the windows. You have a huge bag of sandwiches for your wife and visiting family that aren't doing any good and you have to get back to work within the hour. Moving the steering column doesn't help. Shaking everything violently doesn't help. Even the manual doesn't help! What the crap monkeys is going on?

    Thank goodness my parents were visiting and my Dad could give me a ride. Thanks Dad! Nothing like being in your 30s and asking Dad for a ride.  I happened to be at a Panera's when this happened and had the forethought to bring my handy little wi-fi enabled PDA. So while I waited for my Dad I ran a search on "ford focus ignition lock" and found a story from a local affiliate about the abundance of Ford Foci that come down with this terribly annoying blight.  Later research would yield a multitude of
such stories, but I digress.

    My Dad brought me home and the sandwiches home where I regained my composure. In my remaining ten minutes of my lunch hour, I called Ford's roadside assistance program. They suggested the following, pull the steering wheel all the way to the right, insert key while holding the steering wheel, while turning the key pull the steering wheel to the left, repeat until the car starts or you break your steering column. I should preface that the Ford roadside assistance call center lady said to pull the steering wheel "all the way" to the right and then left. Pity the damned who are one-handed because it is hard enough to pull the steering wheel and turn the key with two hands. I had my wife help me with this. She tried the key while I tried to bust the steering column. Meanwhile, because we couldn't open the windows, we left the doors open.  The "open door" alarm was beeping, we were sweating to death, and nothing was Ford's self fix plan was not working.

    I then called Ford who called in a tow truck. One of the many benefits of owning a problem car is that you get to actually use your warranty. Take that Toyota owners! In my experience, tow truck drivers are nice guys. They are like angels who work for money and are covered in black stuff. The Ford hired tow truck driver was the nicest of any I met and quite huge in an obese teddy bear sort of way. He said, "I've been seeing a lot of these lately" and that Ford probably won't recall it because "it's not a safety issue". In my case, I couldn't argue with that. There was nothing dangerous about being parked at Panera except high
cholesterol. Yet, I could imagine dire safety issues where inadvertently stopped cars precariously block intersections, kind people are stranded in the middle of inner city gang wars, or thirsty people stalled on abandoned desert highways.

    It took only a day for my local Ford dealership to fix the ignition and now I can drive again, or to put it more accurately, I can stop driving with the confidence that I can resume driving whenever I feel like it. Oh the poor Focus, my funny looking friend. You were such a joy to drive after my breakup with Old Peely, my 1991 Ford Tempo, and your marginally good safety rating made me feel all safe and warm. But now you have more recalls than any other car in your class and it looks like you are full of crappy parts that will plague me interminably. Still, you let me stretch out my feet and make easy U-turns. Really, there is too much between us for me to just let you go. I forgive you.

    Ford, on the other hand, you are on my shunning list.

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