Untimely Reviews – Underwold Evolution

Some sequels are there own movies. Take the "Police Academy" series; each "Police Academy" movie was a distinctly bad movie. Some sequels are literally sequels that directly follow the story of the first movie. Take "Return of the Jedi", the ill-executed "The Matrix: Revolutions" or the "Lord of Rings" twelve hour orc slaying festival.  "Underworld Evolution" takes the literal sequel on step further, the main character wears the same outfit throughout two entire movies.

Underworld - Evolution (Widescreen Special Edition)
Underworld (Widescreen Special Edition)

Aside of the lack of clean clothes, "Underworld Evolution" also continues a complicated and impossible to follow story with an even more complicated and impossible to follow story. For those who haven't seen the original "Underworld", there is no way in heck on earth that you can follow "Underworld Evolution". I'll sum up both movies with one long run on sentence: vampires and werewolves fight an underground war and the main character, Selene, is a vampire who hunts werewolves and falls in love with a descendant of the first werewolf but Selene is double crossed by another vampire who has has a secret alliance with the werewolves so Selene wakes up an elder vampire and transfers her memories through her blood and then keeps the werewolf descendant alive while everyone tries to kill him . . . aw the heck with it. A lot of stuff happens in the first film and more stuff happens in the sequel. There are a lot of sepia tone flashbacks. Oh, and in between all of the "masterful" storytelling, Selene fires a lot of bullets.

In the movies, Selene, played by Kate Beckinsale, wears a shiny black skintight full bodysuit and what looks like a leather corset and high heel boots. This outfit isn't reserved for a special dance club scene or another kind of special scene, if know what I mean, wink, wink. Beckinsale wears this same outfit during the entirety of both movies. The outfit reminds me of Catwoman's costume in "Batman Returns", but unlike Catwoman's costume, Selene's suit never seems worse for wear.

When I saw the previews for "Underworld" I thought that the outfit was a straight out rip-off of Trinity's outfit in "The Matrix". After the seeing the sequel, I think that the outfit is a straight out rip-off of "The Matrix" and a blatant attempt to make guys horny. When I say attempt I mean success. Beckinsale is just one one step away from being naked, which is her other look in the movies. As a bit of parity, Selene's love interest, Scott Speedman, spends a lot of time shirtless.

I am troubled by the motivation for the character to wear a shiny black skintight bodysuit and corset? All of the other vampires and werewolves dress in normal albeit extravagant clothing. These guys have to walk around town "blending in" with humans. Wouldn't anyone in the werewolf hunting club say, "Hey, Selene, why do you dress like Catwoman? Do you know that people keep turning around to stair at you ass? Don't you think you'll blow our cover as vampires who hunt werewolves? And have you ever seen 'The Matrix'? Just askin' is all." I imagine that in one deleted scene the vampire coven holds a fashion intervention and gives Selene a gift card to the Gap.

Never been to the GapMatrix, more like Chafe-trixThese guys are copycats no pun intended

I think this fair use comparison says it all.

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