Untimely Reviews of 2 star movies – Snakes on a Plane

I have had it with all of these mother f***ing 2 star movies on my mother f***ing cable. Actually, I'm not, because I have seen the epitome of a 2 star movie, "Snakes on a Plane". This is what 2 star movies are made to be.How untimely to see this movie now, more than a year and half after it first generated buzz for its inane title. The buzz may be over but the hissing, spitting, and biting, continues.

"Snakes on a Plane" is a snake bite above most "cheesy" disaster movies. First, you get Samuel L. Jackson in a lead role. He's great in every movie he is in, even the crappy ones. Second, you get the great line Samuel L. Jackson delivers in regards to his feelings about snakes and the plane they infest. Other than that, it is the same disaster movie you have seen dozens of times before.

The movie starts as any disaster movie would, with the signs of danger and the long introduction of the characters who will survive until the end. Everyone fits into a category we have seen before: the ditzy one, mr. ego, the jerk whose death we relish, the really nice person, the guy with helpful fighting skills, the hero, the comic relief guy, the "it was my last flight" lady, and Samuel L. Jackson. The snakes are all pretty much the same

The bulk of the movie is spent watching the many ways snakes can kill people. This gets old fast.  They lunge at someone's face, lunge at someone's feet, and lunge at someone's torso. Each snake has a different venom, so there are different times of death ranging from instantaneous to just before the plane lands but not afterwards because that would ruin the "happy ending". Fortunately for the audience, which at my house is me and my wife, those clever movie guys have all sorts of other ways for people to die, including falling to death . . . within the plane. Could that be a movie first?

I do recommend "Snakes on a Plane" over most things made for television. I do not recommend a "Snakes on a Plane" drinking game. Oh, and this movie is not for people afraid of snakes, flying, and Samuel L. Jackson.

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